today is my twenty-first birthday. i've been celebrating a little bit all week. this morning i was awoken first by my dad, who at 7:15am, thought i was starting my dad. he called to tell me he is now old. and then the second wake up call was at 8:30 to singing and a candle in a muffin by kim and chris. the rest of the day will include class, work and then a very late dinner with patrick, that i'm vastly looking forward to.

i was thinking while in the shower yesterday morning, deep thoughts as usual, and realizing that from this point on i should be or rather i will be seen as a full fledged adult. this morning my grandma said something to this effect, but with laughter. normally i don't wear make up- it's a bit of a hassle, but this morning as i was listening to a favorite mix on itunes i put on make up and i welcomed and feared the new status i've obtained.

i know i need to take a deep breath and remember that i've been practically an adult, with all the responsibilites and no actual title, for years. this is my recognition. and it's shouldn't be a bad thing. i mean, millions of people are adults who definately don't act like it so i can make it with no problem.

my body


I am a woman, average size by all accounts of society; I am ethnically mixed although never thought of myself in that way. I am young, not even a full-fledged adult according to American society; I am twenty. I am Ariel Marte

I am half Irish, a quarter Mexican and bits of Italian, Filipino and German. My skin is olive tone and features are Mediterranean. I am constantly asked what nationally I am especially since my name doesn’t give away any clues. When I was young, elementary school age there were two classes for each grade separated by language preference, English or Spanish. I grew up speaking English; I was in the English class and therefore identified myself as “white.” I don’t consider myself that now, I know that I am mixed but I find it hard to identify with all of my nationalities.

According to society and sales racks that never have my size I am average. I wear a size 9/10 dress and 9 in shoes. My chest is also average, but I’m sure men would think it’s bountiful. I think I could stand to lose twenty pounds and my stomach isn’t flat as an iron but I don’t put in the effort to change that. I eat what I want without over indulging and walk quite a bit as my form of exercise- at least that’s what I tell myself. When I look at myself in the mirror, just me, no clothing. I’m okay with my body. I, of course, nitpick but I am generally untroubled with what I’ve grown into and how I’ve kept myself.

I find it interesting being a woman and have often times thought how much easier things might be to be a man. I feel like as a woman I am not taken as seriously sometimes, with this knowledge I try to overcome that as often as possible. I like the sexuality and seriousness that can be carried within my body as a woman.

I am the oldest of three siblings from divorced parents. I had to grow up very young and take on enormous amounts of responsibility as a surrogate mother to my brother and sister. Upon entering middle school and moving in with grandparents this weight was lifted from my shoulders and I could just become a kid again. The learned responsibility hasn’t been forgotten and while only twenty I feel like I am much older. To the rest of society I am barely an adult and I find this a little difficult to comprehend at times. I do like being young, though the thought of aging is both scary and amazing. I find those that accept aging to be very brave and only hope that I will find that trait with years to come.

I, at the moment, am very pleased with my body and all it lets me experience. I find it hard to imagine this life from another point of view other than through out my own eyes. My body and experiences with it has shaped me into someone that I’m proud to be- a young woman.

last night when patrick and i were going to dinner, driving past the silverlake reservior, he asked where the past three weeks have gone. and said they have just been a blur. i said the past five weeks, the amount of time i've been in school, has been a blur as well. and he said, "seriously, what did we do three weeks ago?" i knew what we had done last weekend, but the past two and three weeks were a blur to me as well.

friday night we were walking through echo park during an art walk and it started pouring. at first it wasn't so bad, mist almost. once we reached the gallery we were dreached. we stayed in the gallery probably a little longer than we would have, and once out in the downpour again we walked hand in hand and took in los angeles during the storm. it was wonderful.

the photo above is from last weekend, which was also very busy. we went to a gallery showing of a friend, went to a music festival and patrick became my model for a day so i could for the first time photograph "the nude." he was so amazing to let me do that. i know that i needed the experience and i am very comfortable with him, and i know he is with me as well.

this weekend has already started to blur a little, and i still have a few papers to write. hopefully the next seven weeks of school won't go by so fast. i need to catch up or stay on board.

this long weekend was amazing- exactly the break i needed. almost entirely spent with my boy. i want to go back to it, today was harsh.

in one of my classes second term (or was it first?) my teacher told us that we see so many images a day- from advertising, internet and various other resources. this figure that he told us was astonishing but completely made sense. i think it was in the thousands or at least high 100s. can you imagine- it's like we are the indian who had to shake the stick at all the people that he saw in england the moment he got off the boat. we would be lost in all the mathematics and be completely overwhelmed. i often wonder if this is just too much for our society and culture. just over a hundred years ago little more than half the people in developed culture had seen a photograph. what would it be like to be them now with the bombardment of images? what does this mean to someone like me who makes images for a living (or at least attempting to)? i feel as if i might be throwing heaps upon the already vast mound and only hope that what i make and conceive might make a difference in cluttered world. i know that it makes me feel better that i might display my thoughts and feeling and various other emotions into and onto the world.

also, did you know that more than half of the worlds population has never made a phone call? what do you do with all of yours? is it worth while?

i went on an architectural walking tour of downtown last thursday with my class. i met thomas on the metro line and we chatted. we walked and walked, had brunch at mcdonalds. i was revaling in the fact that downtown has a completely different vibe during the day time and it takes on such life. i figured as much, but it wasn't my downtown with patrick at all. i still love it and the tour was so amazing. i learned so much that i had no idea about. who knew school could do that?

this past week has been crazy. it's been sandwiched between viewing the worlds largest pictures. where do i fit within those large scapes? i hope that i'm not just a minisule dot within the large galaxies or just a speck of grain among millions. i want to shine bright, even if only for me. i don't want to be exhuasted by all the little things and burn into the void. waking up with amazing thought and wonder and beauty will only make everything work alright, i think. i am hopeful. i believe.

last night patrick and i were at the bank, after dinner trying to decide what to do with the rest of our evening when we found a dog. some people in a truck were yelling to get the dog. we thought he was theirs. he wasn't. he had tags and was very friendly, he even listened to commands. we decided that we should find his owners and return him. so off we were.

we went to the local animal hospital to see if we could get any answers and we did, sort of. we were able to get an address, it was on the west side of town, an hour away from where we were. we drove. the registrastered address wasn't his. we drove back toward my side of town. and went to the local humane society.

the whole time, he was being so good. we decided that his name would be pico. and that he was the best "found" dog ever. we wanted to keep him.

while giving all of the information to the humane society, patrick was sitting with pico at the kennel he was put in. he looked so sad to have bars between he and patrick. when i was all done with the information giving, we had to go. and pico had to stay. he barked for the first time as we left. it was like leaving a part of us there.

i'm going to check in with the humane society tomorrow and see if his owner have found him yet. i really really hope so.

sometimes late at night i walk around downtown with patrick. he's always done this. sometimes we're just walking and looking at the old buildings or scouting for locations to shoot or just shooting for the heck of it with no clear photo in mind. this has been most of my summer. it's been warm enough and time kind of flies by. by the time we get home it's two or three. for blocks we may not talk or hold hands. we may talk of the mundane and inconsiquential. he tells me which are his favorite buildings and certain memories from each. we watch the cockroachs and rats scurry by as they search for their late night meals. we've learned where to always find them and hopefully i can avoid those intersections. we see art through galleries that have been closed for hours. we find buildings that are beautiful but closed- for the night or forever. i think we find a little of ourselves in the night cloaked concrete, brick and stone world of downtown.



these are some of my favorite nights.
summer is almost over.
i just want to hold on to the feelings of all those nights.

this seems like a day to start a diary-esque blog again. i think i need it. i'll add photos, quiries, anecdotes and thoughts. i wonder how it'll turn out. let me know what you think- it might be taken into consideration.